now i get it

makes you wonder why the one on top is naked....

photo courtesy of pictures.todaysbigthing.com

fashion trends

from the Big Bang Theory--

dead is the new unambiguous.
bipolar is the new undecided.
heavily armed is the new born-again.
bald is the new head...and the new crotch.
hairy is the new face.
sheepishly admitting to having an STD is the new flirting.
purell is the new face of fear.
finding the time that's right for you is the new impotence.
the smiley face emoticon is the new "sincerely yours."
smoking is the new outdoorsy lifestyle.
looking forward to insanely expensive private schooling, $1000-a-week nannies and soccer is the new yuppie birth control.
misinformed is the new patriotic.
veganism is the new "tastes like chicken."
serotonin uptake inhibing is the new crowd control.
texting is the new talking.
talking is the new singing.
singing is the new hubris.
gay marriage is the new "be careful what you wish for."

and finally, and only because i really need this to catch on, fifty-seven years old is the new forty-five.

rat race irony

recently, i was awakened by my tv and i found myself watching a remarkable scene. it showed a young affluent american executive type perhaps on vacation on a remote beach somewhere in Mexico, talking to an older Mexican fisherman.

"is that all the fish you caught?" he inquired.

"it's all i need" replied the old man with a smile.

"why don't you catch a lot more, then sell the ones you don't need? then you can save the extra money you make to buy yourself a bigger boat so you can catch a lot more fish," the american observed.

the Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. the American asked, "but what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"i sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. in the evenings, i go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...i have a full life."

the American interrupted, "listen to me--i have an MBA from Harvard and i can help you! by fishing longer, you can catch more fish. with the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. with the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. then, instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. why, you can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! from there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"really? and how long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"and after that?"

"afterwards? that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "when your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"i guess after i make my millions, i can then retire to a tiny village near the coast..." the old man smiled.

the american realizing the irony, continued laughing, "sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

8 words which mean different to a male & female

Found elsewhere....

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...Any part under a car's hood. Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male...Playing football without a support cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male...Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female...A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female...A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female...An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male...Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male...A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

the advantages of being in your 50's

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run--anywhere.
People call at 9 PM and ask, " Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
You can live without sex but not your glasses.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

stuck on you

ain't that the truth?